It was starting to get cloudy. The day had changed so quickly. No sooner had Green stepped out, the sky turned overcast with the threat of rain. Unease was felt in the air.
Just how he liked it.
He watched the lady across the street look at the sky with nervous apprehension, then run back into her house to fetch an umbrella. Green knew she wouldn’t need it though. It wasn’t going to rain. Still he reveled in the up-tick in wind as he put his crusty AirPods into his ears, pulled up his food-stained grey hoodie, and began his walk to the park. The sound of dissonant notes clanging together filled his ears as his steps kept pace to a beat his music didn’t have. He liked this kind of music: random, haphazard sounds. They elicited the perfect amount of discomfort. A feeling akin to hearing someone sing off key. He sighed.
The park wasn’t far away, though his mother made it seem he was trekking to another country with her manipulative remarks. “So you’re just going to leave me here?!” and “I wish I didn’t have you as a son” were some of her favorites to throw at him.
Green knew that he was not usually anyone’s favorite, but he didn’t think he was half bad. After all, he had nature on his side.
Having reached the park, he found himself a nice shady tree and made himself comfortable. He itched to pick at the grass in agitation, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt the one thing about him that people appreciated him for.
He took a deep breath in and sighed it out as he lay down to look up at the tree. So many leaves. Green. This was exactly what he needed; to come out here and remember that this part of him existed too. That he could be fresh, living, alive. That there was more to him than unease and disgust. But peaceful… it seemed the antithesis of him. Not his shade.
But the monster roaring up through him definitely was. A boiling, biting feeling began to surface the more he thought of a level of comfort - of peace - he would never get to be a part of. He felt trapped in this jealousy. Resentful of what was beyond his reach, the tall branches of the tree almost mocking him. He closed his eyes to calm himself down and remembered the work he had been doing recently to stop these kinds of emotions from swallowing him. Breathing in and out slowly. He felt the softness of the grass underneath him, he smelled the freshness of the plants around him and after counting down from 10 he whispered his mantra repeatedly to center himself:
“I am living. I am Life
I am living. I am Life
I am living. I am Life”
Over and over the words repeated until his heart had calmed down and the biting feeling was nearly gone. When he opened his eyes the big tree seemed to be looking down on him curiously. In all honesty Green didn’t know why that was his mantra. He had just heard it one day when the monster had arisen in him and nearly overtaken him completely. It was one of the worse episodes. In fact it was the last time he had had such a bad one because in the midst of the aching jealousy and self-disgust he was wading through, he heard the mantra being whispered to him. At first he thought he really had lost his marbles, but the chant became louder and louder, and soon the overwhelming emotions began to dissipate. When he came back to himself, he knew that whatever that was, it had helped him. Since then, it was what he used to stop the episodes before they got too far. Going outside more often helped too. The mantra just felt like something that came from Nature, and seemed to be best used outside.
He of course didn’t explain any of this to a big tree for fear of looking a little cuckoo. That wasn’t his shade either. Instead he looked up at the tree, gave it an awkward “thank you” salute for shading him this afternoon, and got up to leave. Donning his hood again, he resumed his music as he made his way back home, the uneasy feeling growing in his stomach. The streets were obviously still nice and dry by the time he got home and the sky went back to its cheery disposition as soon as he shut the front door. No umbrellas necessary.
Thank you for reading! I am so excited for this new series of creative writing pieces i am working on. Stay tuned to see how it unfolds, I think its going to be very interesting! Let me know how you felt about this first one and I’m curious to know what emotions you picked up in the story or in yourself while reading it!
Blogger today, exceptional author tomorrow🙌🏽